The first few days in the NICU

The first few days in the NICU are absolutely critical for your baby, and also for you.  

The first few days will seem like they go on for ever, and you will struggle to process everything that is happening.  You will feel like your whole world has stopped, and all your attention is now purely focused on your new little addition.

There are so many things to get your head around now that you are a NICU Dad, and you will feel so confused, scared, helpless, sad and anxious.

All of these feelings and emotions are completely normal, as the situation you now find yourself in is not 'normal'.

This episode will discuss what worked for me, and what i should have done differently to help me navigate the first few days. 

Transcript

I was just starting to come off the adrenalin high after witnessing the birth of our daughter.  I had made countless trips down from the ward to the NICU to drop off colostrum, and to check up on our little lady.  Everything still felt like a blur, and I was still struggling to come to terms with what had happened. I was just so confused! 

INTRO

The first few days for any premmy baby or sick child in the NICU are critical. There are so many little things that need to fall in to place to maintain their highest chance of survival and success of treatments. 

Seeing Lara was hard, as she was just so small, purple all over due to the bruising from the delivery, and she was so translucent that you could see all of her veins and arteries, and her heart was constantly jumping out of her chest. 

As there are so many risk factors in the first few days and weeks, we had to keep our touching of her to an absolute minimum.  Her skin was so fragile that you could not rub her, all you could to was hold r finger out and let her grab on, and when she did, it felt amazing!

She was so sticky due to the humidty on the crib, and she looked like she was constantly sweating, but that was by design, to help with her skin’s development. 

The main part that I struggled with over the first few days, was that I did not feel a connection with her.   Everything felt so surreal that I didn’t feel like that she was mine.  It felt like such a foreign experience that I could not relate to the situation, and for nearly the first two months, it didn’t feel like I was visiting my daughter, it felt like I was just visiting a mate in hospital to check up on them. And this weighed on me pretty hard.  I just couldn’t get my head around everything that was going on.  There was so much to know and learn. 

The more time you spend in there, the more you learn, the more you see and the more you appreciate the unbelievable work the doctors, consultants and nurses do in the NICU.  The staff at the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital make you feel so comfortable and safe, and they are always happy to tell you as much as you want to know.

As I thrive on information and knowing what is going on, it was so helpful to have so many conversations with the staff in the NICU to slowly immerse myself into NICU life. There were so many elements to what was going on, so I needed to chip away at understanding all of the numbers, alarms, sensors, medications and tesst – the more I knew, the more at ease I became – to a certain degree. 

There are some pretty big milestones that occur during your baby’s first few days, including the first scans on the brain, the heart and the lungs. These three tests provide an insight into the health of your bub in their first few days, and depending on the outcomes, can shape your NICU journey. 

You will feel like you are on a knifes edge waiting for the results to come in, but one thing you need to remember is – you can’t control anything, and ultimately, what will be will be. 

It all comes down to how you process the information that you receive, and how you can emotionally react to it. Do not be afraid to let your emotions out, as it can be very therapeutic.  I had so many cries over the first few days, both in private and at bedside.  You should never feel like you can’t let your emotions out, this is your child, your future.  Being emotional is a natural reaction!

Fortunately for Lara, all three of her first round of tests came back clear, but she would go through them again on day 10, so we were not out of the woods yet. 

When I look back at how I was feeling emotionally and mentally over the first week, the best word I can use is that I was just numb. At the time I didn’t know how to feel, I was sad, scared and still pretty confused, but I generally felt numb about the whole thing.  I felt like I was just walking around like a zombie. 

As Lara was so small at birth, our Consultant wanted to get a central line in, which would provide additional nutrients that would aid in Lara’s growth.  Unfortunately the two attempts that were made couldn’t quite get the line in, as their her veins were literally as thick as one of my hairs!  So I can certainly appreciate how hard it must have been to attempt it. As the central line was unsuccessful, we were now solely reliant on Jess’s breast milk to help plump up our little lady.  

Jess had a decent amount of milk come in initially, which provided a good supply for Lara.  Luckily, Lara was only on 1ml of milk ever 2 hours, so Jess had some time to get her stocks ready.  Lara caught Jess by day 3 however, and I remember sitting up in the ward with Jess, desperately trying to syringe every single vital drop of colostrum from her nipples, as every drop would pay dividends for Lara in the first week. 

Three days post delivery, Jess got what her friends warned me of, the day three cries.  She was so overwhelmed by the hormones and chemicals flooding through her body, that she would cry at the simplest thing, like the fact that I had a coffee on the way in to the hospital but she hadn’t had one yet. All I could do during this period was to always be there for her, cuddle her and comfort her.  By lunch time that day, she was laughing in hysterics at the crying, but she was still crying.  

I feel that the first few days for parents in the NICU are critical also.  Depending on the way that you react to what is going on, and how you process all of the information that you get, will shape they next few weeks for you.  One of the most important aspects of the NICU journey is to keep communicating with your partner. 

What worked well for Jess and I was sharing our experiences and stories from the day, and to talk about what we were going through.  We always checked in with each other on our emotional and mental health.  We couldn’t solve any of the issues that we had, but it always helped to lower our stress levels when we could openly and authentically talk about what we were feeling.  

It was critical that we looked after each other, as if one of us got sick or was really battling with it all, it would add more pressure on the other person and the situation as a whole. 

When you are a visitor in the NICU, you cannot have any form of cold, flu, sniffle, cough or illness. The risk of passing things on to your baby and the babies around you are so high, and the impacts can be sever.  

If you don’t look after yourself mentally and physically, a lot more people could suffer, not just you. Going back to what I was talking about in one of the previous episodes “home Alone”, your health is so important on this journey, because if you get sick, you wont be able to see your baby, and this will add to your anxiety, and make everything just that extra bit harder for everyone. 

So, the first few days will be pretty tough to navigate.  You will feel like a deer in headlights the whole time, but that is completely natural, because what you are going through is very unnatural! Don’t worry if you feel like you are walking around on egg shells, you wont be alone!

My biggest piece of advice to pass on for the first few days, try and connect with another Dad in the NICU.  Someone that has been there for a few days or weeks more than you, and just start chatting.  Don’t be offended if they don’t want to talk to you, everyone deals with things in their own way.  If you don’t feel like chatting to another Dad, use the nurses a lot – chat to them, talking is really therapeutic, and trust me, you will feel better when you get it off your chest, or out of your head!

I hope you can navigate your first few days in the NICU the best way that you can, as ultimately, only you know how to react to the situation you find yourself in, so do what feels natural to you at the time!  There is not much you can do for you baby, so focus all of your care and attention on to your partner, as they need your support now more than ever!